Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
