I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
