My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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