A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
