Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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