so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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