Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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