bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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