i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
PANTIES FOUND
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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