I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
