You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
