I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
