my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
