ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
