I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
