I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
