i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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