i need an iv and a liver transplant
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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