well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
