I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
