i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
