YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
