Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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