"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
