you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
