I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
