I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
