i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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