Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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