if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you didnt know i had herpes?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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