Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
