is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Can Purell be used as lube?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I checked into jail on foursquare
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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