you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
