she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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