went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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