you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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