now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
