I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Randomize
