Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
