Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
