Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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