no. you can't hotbox the world.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
