So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
