WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
