the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
