____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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