I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Fuck appropriateness.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
