I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
