She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
