Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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