There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
