i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
