One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
